Isn’t it funny that you can have extremely emotional highs and lows in the same day?
This morning was a low- let me just call it like it is; I am not doing well with my upcoming birthday. There, I said it. Now the important thing for me to wrestle with is why. Why do I feel frustrated by the big 4-0? I seem to be facing this giant of a birthday in the middle of a time when I am getting used to a lot of changes in our life (moving, church changes, relationship changes) as well as facing some of my own internal struggles about who I am, what I like to do , what I am here for, how I can change some things I don’t like about myself, how I can invest my days.
It is almost like a perfect storm really.
storms make me think of the sea and of the disciples- storms make me think of Jonah being tossed in to the sea- and of Jesus walking on the water and His calming of the sea- storms make me think of houses that are built on strong foundations so they can withstand the tempest. And of Noah being tossed about in the ark. lessons from a storm always beg you to look at Jesus.
We find ourselves in positions that we cannot control, wondering if God knows we are here and if He is going to do something miraculous? Can He see my need and is He good enough to do something about it?
Well of course the answer is yes. Of course the answer is yes.
He sees, he hears, he knows, he is good and he will act. The Bible tells me all I need to know about what He will do and about who He is.
I am wondering what I will do and who I am. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit that works to open my eyes to see how firm a foundation I have in the Lord. The Work of the Holy Spirit, which helps me answer some of these questions and works to root out of me the sin that so easily entangles me and that I give too much sway to. The Lord doesn’t leave me alone to look at how faithful He is and make me be faithful by my own hard effort- no, He gives me a helper. the Holy Sprit- the Lord Himself, who will lead me to where I need to be and to what I need to do. who will help me “be” right now and not be so eager to “do”. who will help me be patient in areas and who will help me attack the areas that ensnare me. who will help me rehearse the truths that I know.
Today also had some highs- a much needed heart to heart with my oldest friend- a plan for my birthday that I can look forward to- a beautiful day filled with sunshine and warm weather, a very long walk, a friend who teaches my children and takes up my slack when I forget things, a rich time in writing for an upcoming retreat, a family dinner.
Here’s to facing 40…may the struggle lead to something beautiful.